It starts with just a snack, and then ordering out instead of cooking and then shamefully eating the whole pizza so the evidence isn’t sitting around. I haven’t written in a good long while and that’s because I fell off the wagon. I figured I could just spiral and never come back and no one would ever know or care but I would know. So 3 weeks of really bad habits and several pounds later I’m here to try again.
I feel absolutely terrible about myself. I fall into this cycle every time I try to lose weight. I’m really good for about a month lose a few pounds, just enough to feel a little bit better. Then once I have positive feelings I stop trying. I tell myself I deserve a reward, which turns into full on cheating and ultimately failure. I avoid Publix and spend more time at Jimmy Johns eating high calorie lunches instead of just buying my own groceries. It’s not even cheaper.
So I took the first step and went back to the grocery store. I bought more line caught tuna and some organic turkey burgers. They turned out to be pretty good. I’ve been eating better for a week. I also bought cereal and almond milk, I’ve never actually liked milk but the almond milk is pretty good. At least having breakfast foods and healthy foods around I have a better shot at this.
I am definitely a mood eater. I live by myself and have very introverted solitary social life without even cable. Not that I don’t have one but it happens more via smart phone and Internet than in person, and I get bored. I’ve realized this week that even when I’m not hungry or just ate I want to eat more just to be eating. So I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to occupy myself with something other than eating when I’m feeling bored. I bought a sewing machine, which has really been fun this week. Maybe this will be something I can turn to when bored instead of ice cream.