It starts with just a snack, and then ordering out instead of cooking and then shamefully eating the whole pizza so the evidence isn’t sitting around. I haven’t written in a good long while and that’s because I fell off the wagon. I figured I could just spiral and never come back and no one would ever know or care but I would know. So 3 weeks of really bad habits and several pounds later I’m here to try again.
I feel absolutely terrible about myself. I fall into this cycle every time I try to lose weight. I’m really good for about a month lose a few pounds, just enough to feel a little bit better. Then once I have positive feelings I stop trying. I tell myself I deserve a reward, which turns into full on cheating and ultimately failure. I avoid Publix and spend more time at Jimmy Johns eating high calorie lunches instead of just buying my own groceries. It’s not even cheaper.
So I took the first step and went back to the grocery store. I bought more line caught tuna and some organic turkey burgers. They turned out to be pretty good. I’ve been eating better for a week. I also bought cereal and almond milk, I’ve never actually liked milk but the almond milk is pretty good. At least having breakfast foods and healthy foods around I have a better shot at this.
I am definitely a mood eater. I live by myself and have very introverted solitary social life without even cable. Not that I don’t have one but it happens more via smart phone and Internet than in person, and I get bored. I’ve realized this week that even when I’m not hungry or just ate I want to eat more just to be eating. So I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to occupy myself with something other than eating when I’m feeling bored. I bought a sewing machine, which has really been fun this week. Maybe this will be something I can turn to when bored instead of ice cream.
First a little background. I am a marine biologist. I study sharks and other fishes and know a lot about commercial fisheries worldwide. Generally they are awfully managed, barely enforced and depleting the oceans at terrible rates… but I am not going to rant about that here. However it is my basis for not eating seafood despite all the evidence that fish are a very healthy source of protein. This is notto say I never eat fish, because when I catch my own fish you better believe I devour it… because I Love Fish!
I have made a wonderful discovery! In my quest to find more natural and organic foods I stumbled upon a store called Nutrition ‘smart. This place is awesome. Hands down the best part between all the gluten free, all natural organic hippie food was the shinning gem that is sustainably caught seafood!
When you look at the aisle of tuna in a regular supermarket they all say dolphin safe tuna, what they neglect to mention is all the other fish, sharks and turtles besides tuna thatalso get killed (sorry that got ranty). This breaks my heart. But now that I can get my hands on line caught tuna (no by-catch) I can eat tuna sandwiches to my hearts content, without a guilty conscience. Hell yeah low calorie filling and delicious lunches!
But that isn’t even the best of it. Tonight for dinner I made Asian ginger salmon and white rice. I know right! Iam still so excited! The salmon was wild caught Alaskan salmonthat hada picture of the boat on the box! (deep breath) You just thaw the salmon, marinade, and cook. This was only the second time I cooked fish for myself and it tasted damn good. Dinner, which was probably too much food but I ate it all out of shear excitement, was about 700 calories. The white rice was organic and I opted out of the tablespoon of butter since the marinade was flavorful enough.
I’m glad to have discovered a healthy source of protein that I can eat without feeling bad about myself. I think this is really going to get me more excited about cooking food instead of ordering it. Not to mention diversify the, albeit expanding, but still very small repertoire of dinners I know how to make.