Roller Coaster Tycoon

This week was rough

So part of getting PCOS under control is hormone regulation. Which is just terrible. I’m one of those girls who never wanted to ever have to take birth control, ever. I don’t like the idea of pseudo hormones turning my body into a fun land roller coaster. I refused them for years despite the fact that doctors and society pushed them on me incessantly. But PCOS means I have to take them, which really pisses me off. It doesn’t even actually cure anything just suppresses the symptoms so my body can HOPEFULLY heal itself!

deep breath

Anyways I’m through my first pack of pills as of today. The first couple of weeks seemed okay but this week was really awful. I don’t really want to go into the gooey details so let’s just say there were physiological and emotional side effects that while some were expected, some totally blindsided me. I want to throw the meds in the trash but I know I can’t. I think the worst part is that I have to let these terribly frustrating things happen long enough that the doctor believes the hormone levels cause them. Then they prescribe different ones, which starts that process all over again.

Besides the physical changes, which I don’t need to explain but trust me, they suck. This week has been emotionally draining, sad, angry, pathetic feels just bubble up whenever they want. Tuesday and Wednesday I slipped right back into some bad old habits, McDonald’s breakfast, Jimmy Johns, eating second dinner (The hobbits got it right) and a pint of ice cream… All of which just made me feel worse

Despite the fact that this week was well, the worst so far, I’m going to end on a positive note. Today I managed to stay within my limits in addition to trying to make new food. Lunch was strawberries and a tuna sandwich. For dinner I made organic veggie tacos and they weren’t half bad. I think with a different (more mild) mix they could be something I would eat regularly.

tacos

I EVEN got my bike out and went for a ride. Its 4 miles to the movies so I rode my bike there, rewarded myself with a movie, and then I had to ride back.

I wish that I could do this perfectly and that I didn’t absolutely HATE the treatment for what I’ve got. Here’s hoping for a good day tomorrow.

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Aw, Here It Goes!

I’ll lose weight next year or I’m going to start running next week, false promises that future YOU makes to present YOU and never follows through on. What a jerk.  I’m going to write mine down. I have never had major health issues; sure I’m a bit overweight but nothing extreme. I’ve always been ok with my body, and with my sense of self. It’s hard to motivate yourself to change for the best when you’re content with okay, and let’s face it change is hard and scary and for later… right?

I was recently diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is apparently more common than one would be led to believe. It’s exactly what it sounds like and can have some serious repercussions if left alone, heart disease, type II diabetes and infertility. None of those are okay anymore, and surprisingly that last one was the kicker. I’ve taken a drastic turn from complacent to severely worried and unhappy with how I’m treating myself. Weight loss and a healthy lifestyle are ways that some people have seen improvements in this condition. So I’m going to do something about it instead of just bitch, although I’m sure there will be some bitching too.

My plan is to document this change. It’ll probably be slow and I’m sure I’ll mess up but no one’s perfect. I’m going to eat better, smaller portioned food and not get sucked in by the whirring modern-day traps… I’m looking at you McDonald’s monopoly.  The first step I guess would be learning to feed myself on something other than microwavable pizza and Jimmy John’s subs. I’m also going to exercise.  I want to run in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving and not be the one who gets showed up by the guy in the full body turkey suit who is running it for fun because he can. Anyways, I don’t profess to be any kind of expert on the best way to be healthy. I’m just going to do it my way, because that’s the only way that will last in the long run.

So in the immortal words of Kel Mitchell, “Aw, Here it goes!”